Anatomy of a Spastic Friday
1. Run to catch the bus and don’t catch your breath for the next three stops.
2. Get caught glaring at a girl in a terrible style blogger outfit.
3. Walk into the kitchen at work to wash your hands because they’re all inky from reading the paper on the bus and step on a giant piece of glass that pierces through the sole of your Tory Burch flats.
4. Spend five minutes standing on one leg in the kitchen trying to pry the glass out of the sole of your flat with the first utensil you grabbed from the nearest drawer — metal salad tongs.
5. Bleed everywhere.
6. Walk, while bleeding into your flat to the other kitchen to gather band-aids, antiseptic wipes and neosporin. Bleed on the gathered items and realize you cut your finger while extracting the glass from your foot.
7. Dress your foot wound and try not to bleed on your keyboard.
8. Return to the kitchen after a Starbucks run with the receptionist and decide you need a band-aid for your finger. Open the wall-mounted first aid box and promptly spill all the band-aids all over the floor. Scoop them all up and put them on the counter, but bump your head against the cabinets, HARD. Be mocked by the receptionist and let her draw a smiley face on your finger band-aid.
9. Sit down at desk and think of ways to not get up again until 5:30.
